Well, it’s good to see the Bills are already in mid-season form; it makes me believe the Three Stooges could reunite today and have their timing down flat. In fact, the sensation of being poked in the eye, taking a saw to the head and receiving a belly punch was all-too-familiar to Bills fans this past Monday night.

We pride ourselves on our resiliency when it comes to the Bills, and as Western New Yorkers in general, but in fact we tend to handle this team’s remarkable, almost-unimaginable blunders in different ways: some of us scream and curse; some of us become sullen; some of us might actually cry (there’s often a gone-wrong financial transaction involved in the latter, or lots of beer).

And then, there’s me. I watched Monday’s game with huge intensity, as I’ve watched every single game since 1990. My throat was still raw Tuesday afternoon. But, something odd happened to me in the final five minutes. When Leodis inexplicably blundered…I laughed. And I pretty much laughed all the way home from Calico Jack’s.

My wife thought I lost it. My old friend Gerry agreed with her.

I respect them a lot, so had to ask myself: have I finally snapped? Gone nuts?

That line of inquiry led me to even larger questions: are we ALL FREAKING NUTS for continuing to live and die with this absolutely ridiculous team?

The answers to these questions are beyond me, and I’m at least lucid enough to know when to call on a professional.

Meet Diane Spear, a prominent, Manhattan-based psychotherapist (www.dianespeartherapy.com), and complete non-football fan who agreed to share her thoughts on the Bills, Bills fans and our respective grips on sanity. Following are excerpts of our conversation, at least as far as my apparently delusional mind recalls them:

NYCBBB: Diane, thanks so much for talking with me. I’m really worried about a number of my friends.

Diane Spear: Your friends?

NYCBBB: Yeah. I mean, well, yeah, me too, I guess.

DS: OK, why don’t you start from the beginning?

NYCBBB: Great. Let’s start with the source of the problem: the Buffalo Bills. They embody the cliché of grabbing defeat from the jaws of victory. It’s institutional and historic, even though the team personnel changes – Lord knows, it changes all the time. Is it possible that they’re engaging in self-destructive behavior, burdened by their history?

DS: Absolutely, it’s possible. It can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. They’ve been bad for so long, and might have troubling envisioning success.

NYCBBB: Yeah, well, I can see their point. But, what about us, the Bills fans? Why do we stick with this team, and why do we care so much? Wouldn’t it be logical to stop caring, or to just walk away, like you might from a bad marriage?

DS: To me, it’s more like a parent-child relationship. No matter what feelings you might have about Mom and Dad, those feelings are hard-wired and not so easily dismissed. Think about how humans kill each other over dumb things – anything ranging from sex to, “hey, you cut in front of me.” But, we don’t kill our parents, that’s the ultimate taboo; once you’re hard-wired, you always go back home to get the love you want.

It’s like abused-child syndrome. You might avoid your parents or you might even wind up in a foster home – but, the second you see Mom, you’ll run up and kiss her.

NYCBBB: I’d never thought about actually killing someone.

DS: What?

NYCBBB: Nothing, nothing. Tell me, is it simply foolish to expect the team’s behavior to change? Can we somehow influence that with our attitudes toward them?

DS: Will Mom and Dad change? Don’t hold your breath. If this kind of behavior takes place over decades…well, that how it’s going to go unless something changes dramatically. I have a friend who loves the Red Sox, and she held out hope on the border of optimism and delusion. But, it did happen with the Red Sox; they got new ownership, new management, new players. Things changed.

NYCBBB: How about the relationship between the team, the fans and the city? Buffalo is often referred to as the hardest-luck city in sports, and clearly the city itself has long-fought for respect. Is there a connection here? Does the aura of a city get visited on its teams, or vice versa?

DS: It can be a contributing factor. But, when it comes to your loyalty and the loyalty of other Bills fans, Buffalo is the city you’re from. There’s strong loyalty there; love that was planted a long time ago. If you think about it, it feels good even when it feels bad. It could be a misplaced love, but once it’s there, it tends to stay there.

When they lose, it’s like a wound to your self-esteem. If they’re an extension of me when they win and it’s great to be from Buffalo, what does it mean when they lose?

I’m from Arkansas: people used to wear buttons that said, “Ask me about our Governor.” But once President Clinton ran into problems, people stopped wearing those buttons.

NYCBBB: I’ve got to push back a bit here. How much can one person be expected to take before they say, “Screw this, I don’t care anymore?” I mean, this isn’t an occasional circumstance, Diane. There was last Monday. There was the Monday night game against the Cowboys. There was the home opener against Jacksonville a few years back. There was the forward-lateral playoff game…

DS: I see. Well….

NYCBBB: …there was Scott Norwood. There were four – count ’em – four Super Bowls in a row! We had a Hall of Famer who couldn’t find his helmet, for God’s sake…

DS: I understand, but…

NYCBBB: …then there was this guy named Ronnie Harmon. There was the “No Goal” game and the Clippers, and yes, I know those aren’t even football. And did you ever hear of a guy named OJ Simpson? Or even Billy Joe Hobert? Who the hell doesn’t read the playbook and then actually admits to it? Who the hell names their kid Billy Joe? You want to talk about parents with issues!? This kid would have been better off at Father Baker’s….

DS: Do I need to slap you?

NYCBBB: I don’t know. Is that extra?

DS: Let’s get back to something. You mentioned to me earlier that you view your loyalty to the Bills as a badge of honor: that you’ll stay loyal even in bad times, and you suggested you saw that as a sign of character.

My 93-year-old mother is still in Arkansas and a die-hard Razorback fan. That determination, loyalty and perseverance is something you can carry into your life. People like that, when they lose their jobs, don’t pull the blanket over their head. They persevere. They’re devoted, and they’re often trust-worthy.

NYCBBB: So, that type of loyalty is admirable, as long as you keep it in perspective?

DS: Yes. You mentioned that you laughed at the end of the game last week. That’s a good sign. You’re saying, “Mom and Dad are still crazy, but I still love them.” They’re loveable screw-ups. You’ve got to step back, and identify what’s entertaining and enjoyable about this team, and love them for that.

NYCBBB: You mentioned the Red Sox. What if, remarkably, the Bills actually win a championship at some point? Are there risks to us as fans?

DS: It can be a let down. You wonder, how can we top that? Then you wonder what happens if they revert back to their prior bad behavior. Disappointment is safe.

You’ve got to remember that it’s a game. It’s about having fun. I know sports fans don’t want to hear that. But, if the Bills somehow justify your pride in being from Buffalo, is there something else the Bills can mean to you? Like fun, or a celebration of athleticism? Or just being with other people with whom you share a bond? Who come from the same place as you?

In the end, as long as you keep it in perspective, I believe your loyalty is admirable. There is something to be said for loving even in the face of disappointment.

NYCBBB: Well, I’ll take my chances on what a let down might feel like. I’d love to have the chance to feel one. Diane, I could go on, but I know our time is up. Thanks so much for talking with me.

DS: You’re very welcome. Good luck.

OK, everyone. Are you feeling cleansed? Ready to tackle the rest of the season with perspective and humor?

Didn’t think so. It’s a process. But, hey, there’s always lots of beer and wings at Calico Jack’s and McFadden’s. That counts for something.

More seriously – and I don’t care how naïve this might sound – I do view our devotion as a badge of honor. It doesn’t mean we don’t get upset; we’ll never be the blindly loyal fans the Cubs always had before they started spending lots of money and raising expectations. We have an edge to us.

Most of us are Western New Yorkers, which is a very no-frills place to be from. We appreciate hard work and cold drinks. We appreciate loyalty. And we especially appreciate each other , which I believe is the real reason why so many of us gather every week, game after game, year after year. We share a bond no one else does, even when we’re otherwise strangers. That bond might even be, dare I say, stronger than the Bills.

Think about it: a lot of you are probably OK with “outsiders” trash talking the Bills. But, when they trash talk Buffalo, you get mad – even if you just finished talking the same trash to someone else from back home. It’s OK for family to trash family, but not for anyone else.

Must be the way our parents – and our surrogate, bumbling, infuriating football “parents” – raised us.

“World War Two was a must win” – Marv Levy

Welcome back my friends, to the show that (we hope) never ends; the Bills’ 50th season, and believe it or not the eighth season (!) that 42nd and 2nd has served as New York’s official Little Buffalo – the place to be in New York if you can’t be at the game.

Despite the Emerson Lake & Palmer lyric quote, the Bills’ yearly show does end, with maddening consistency, before the playoffs begin.

With all due respect to Marv, it seems clear that reaching the playoffs is indeed a “must” this season in order for Coach Dick Jauron to keep his job. At least the schedule makers were kind enough to serve up a “gimme” game to kick off the season – the Patriots, on the road, on Monday night. Let’s just pray they don’t add a Tedy Bruschi retirement ceremony to the mix.

Will this finally be the year Buffalo makes the playoffs? Don’t ask me. I predicted playoffs last year, and felt pretty pleased with myself through the first month of the season. And then…well, you were there.

I’ve managed to go this far without mentioning T.O., which is probably a new record for anyone writing about the 2009 Buffalo Bills. T.O. heads most people’s list of questions about this year’s edition:

• Will T.O., possessor of Western New York’s most famous toe, be healthy, be a difference maker – and will he behave?
• Will it make any difference, with a reconstituted and inexperienced O-line?
• Will Trent Edwards finally be “the one,” or just “the latest one?” Will he take advantage of some truly impressive offensive weapons, or continually check off two-yard-passes?
• Will the no-huddle experiment work, or will our defense find itself playing 45 minutes every game?
• Will our running game suffer unimaginably until Marshawn returns?
• Will Dick Jauron and team create innovative ways to make use of Roscoe Parrish’s unique talents?
• Will the team figure out how to stuff the run?
• Will the defensive scheme allow our corners to play closer coverage – as in, somewhere in the same half of the field as the guys they’re defending?
• Will the Toronto experiment take a step in the right direction, or will the crowd once again act as if it’s watching a women’s semi-professional croquette match?
• Will Moorman hit the big screen in Dallas?

I can’t answer any of those questions, except the last one. Moorman’s great, but even he can’t hit the big screen without actually playing in Dallas this season.

Here’s one reason for hope – history.

I’m no Bills historian, but I believe there have been three head coaches in Bills’ history who’ve coached a fourth season:
Lou Saban: In his fourth season, his 1965 Bills went 10-3-1 and won the AFL Championship
Lou Saban II: His 1975 Bills went 8-6. No playoffs, but not bad.
Chuck Knox: His 1981 Bills went 10-6, made it to round 2 of the playoffs
Marv Levy: His 1989 Bills went 9-7, made playoffs

Incredibly, Coach Jauron joins that illustrious group this season. Will he keep pace, or will his “show” end?

Can’t wait to find out, along with everyone else, at McFadden’s and Calico Jack’s this year. Bring your popcorn.

Um…what?

Must have been something I ate. Last night, I dreamed that the Bills….

Oh. That really happened? Wow. Incredible.

I refer, of course, to the sale of Jim Kelly’s house to Marshawn Lynch. Almost lost in that stunning development was the Bills’ signing of an aged wide receiver cut by the Cowboys. Maybe you heard about it: guy named Terrell Owens. Or, “T.O.” to his theoretical friends.

I can just imagine the TOronto-related puns when the Bills play their next Canadian “home” game.

Seriously, it’s clear Bills fans will be split on this one. I’ve already seen it. Some love, love, love the move. Some hate it. Others are still too shocked to react.

I’m not a fan of T.O.’s act, and I’m not going to pretend to love the guy now that he’s a Bill. Does that mean I won’t root for him? Of course not. I’ve disliked individual Bills in the past, but still wanted them to do well for the team’s sake.

What will the signing mean?

First and foremost, as Matt Kabel pointed out in his last NYCBBB update, it should mean money and exposure. The Bills will probably sell more seats and jerseys. They will almost definitely get a prime-time game or two that they wouldn’t have gotten otherwise. Maybe we’ll even get the occasional non-D List announcer. Economically, I’ve got to think this deal makes sense. It’s hard to ignore potential economic benefits these days.

As far as on the field…the BEST case scenario is a Dodger/Manny Ramirez situation; the lightning-rod star comes in, shakes things up, and takes the team to (good) places they wouldn’t have gone without him. And then the Bills and T.O. would find themselves in a Dodgers/Manny off-season contract drama. I could definitely live with that.

The worst case scenarios? Well, to me, these are what are simultaneously good, bad and sad about the T.O. deal.

Let’s say it doesn’t work: let’s assume the Bills still can’t broaden the offense to more than lots of running and six-yard passes on third-and-11. Or, T.O, in his mid-30s, breaks down physically and mentally once winter hits, and either goes down or drops even more passes than he usually does (don’t think we haven’t noticed that, Terrell).

Will any of that truly leave the Bills in a worse place than where’s they’ve been for years now? Really, is there a significant risk here? Sad, right? But also pretty good – no real downside, on the surface.

Now, you might ask, what if T.O. starts acting up?

That’d be discouraging. And then he’d be gone when the season was over, once again leaving the Bills back where they were.

To me, the larger – perhaps largest – risk relates to Trent Edwards. Could this completely mess him up?

I really like Edwards. I wish he had JP Losman’s gun-slinger arm and mentality given the new offensive line up, but his instincts are a heck of a lot better. A real NFL quarterback has got to be excited by the prospect of throwing to this group of receivers (can you imagine a four-receiver set with Josh Reed and Roscoe Parrish, assuming Roscoe’s still around?)

My point being that if the T.O. scenario somehow damages Edwards…then perhaps this whole starting-QB thing isn’t for him, after all. Frankly, I’m still more concerned about Edwards’ cold-weather ability, and ability to stay healthy.

What makes me saddest of all – and I know this is naïve – is that the Bills have clearly moved beyond the “character counts” standard of Marv Levy.

Yes, this is the NFL, and there aren’t a lot of boy scouts. Nor should there be in such a rough sport. There aren’t lots of Kurt Warners out there. But, the old Bills simply wouldn’t have signed T.O. I’m not saying that’s necessarily a good thing, but it further drives home the passage of an era. To be honest, it mainly bothers me because I’m such a Levy fan, more than it’s about clinging to an ideal that probably never existed. What I liked about Levy is that he at least TRIED to figure out if a guy was a decent person.

Of course, Jim Kelly was willing to sell his home to legally-challenged Marshawn Lynch – who happens to be my favorite Bill outside of our punter – so maybe what’s really naive is even thinking in terms of character anymore. I certainly don’t blame Kelly for selling to Marshawn – as proven by the Bills and T.O., sometimes economics trump all.

Another year…another season with no meaningful Bills games in January, the longest playoff drought in the NFL.

With three consecutive 7-9 seasons, the Bills’ cardinal sin isn’t being bad – it’s being mediocre and boring. Sports people like to talk about momentum, or the Big Mo. The Bills these days are the Big No.

I expected this final game to have little or no influence over my end-of-season analysis. The Bills had already established a “body of work” that, for better or worse, spoke volumes. Why dwell on a game without any real implications (for the Bills, in any case)?

Here’s why…some of what I saw in game 16 stunned me. Literally. More important, it shined bright klieg lights on much of what ails the Bills today.

Let’s compare two “coaching moments”:

The Bills, with precious few seconds remaining in the first half and no timeouts, choose to run another play – a running play. As they scramble to kick what would be a hurry-up field goal attempt under the best of circumstances, one of their players gets caught up in an on-field scuffle. No time left. No field goal attempt. No points. If it were possible to hear a smirk, we would hear the Pats smirking.

Early in the second half, deep in their own territory with fourth and very long coming up, the Pats line up as though they’re going to go for it. Are they actually planning to go for it? Doubtful, even giving full consideration to Bill Belichick’s arrogance. But, it does force the Bills to use a timeout early in the half – after which the Pats, of course, punt.

Just horrible.

I’m going to leave the 2008 season Xs and Os analysis to others – believe me, there are a lot of people better qualified to do that than I am, and do it they no doubt will. However, I’ll briefly share that I still believe Trent Edwards is a viable long-term quarterback solution. I’ll also share, just for kicks, that Robert Royal is uniquely able to catch the uncatchable, and tragically unable to catch the catchable.

My goal here is to take a step back, from the perspective of Joe Bills Fan: What’s the big picture, beyond the top priorities of “getting better talent,” “winning more games,” and “making the playoffs”? Those are obviously crucial but when it comes to the Bills, there are other, equally large priorities.

What do the Bills need to do in order to ensure that fans such as me – and you – stay loyal, and continue to care – not to mention spend their money going to games and on merchandise? What do they need to do, from a fan’s perspective, to give us a sense of hope and, dare I say, progress? What do they need to do in order to – I’ll say it – save this franchise?

From THIS fan’s perspective, it’s more complex than drafting well and signing strong free agents. Far more complex.

I could easily do a Top 10 or even a Top 20, but here are my Five Big Picture Considerations facing the Bills:

Big Picture Priority #1: General Manage…DON’T Manage Generally
From a fan’s perspective, there’s a huge management void at One Bills Drive. Who’s in charge? Who represents the team’s football conscience and philosophy? I bet no one questions who’s in charge of the Dolphins’ football operations. For a fan to believe the Bills have direction, the Bills need accountability. Not having a General Manager is inexcusable. Maybe it’s Tom Modrak. Maybe it’s someone else. But it’s got to be someone. And it can’t be a marketing guy.

Big Picture Priority #2: Out Coached? Coaches Out!
Pretty consistently, I’m one of the fans least likely to advocate coaching changes, especially at the head coaching level. I just believe that every time you change head coaches, you’re introducing chaos into your organization; the Bills change coaches every three years, and it shows.

My reluctance is compounded in this case by my admiration for Dick Jauron. But Game 16 drove home how badly the Bills have been out coached this year. If the Bills are considering the fan’s perspective, then deep down they KNOW they must make a change. At the same time, making that change BEFORE addressing Big Picture Priority #1 is fruitless – you’ve got to have a football guy in place on top, and then let THAT PERSON take the lead in choosing new coaches.

I recognize this might be complicated by the contract extension Coach Jauron signed – or didn’t. If he signed the extension I suspect he did…well, I realize it’s hard for the Bills to simply eat two or three years of a contract. At the very least, however, they’ve got to look at new assistants, except for Bobby April.

Big Picture Priority #3: Tear the Roof off the Sucker
From a fan’s perspective, we almost certainly lost a divisional game this year because of the Toronto fiasco, end of story. Even mild-mannered Jason Peters spoke out. I’m actually among the apparent minority favoring the Toronto experiment because I believe it gives us the best opportunity to keep the Bills somewhere east of Oklahoma or San Antonio. But that game HAS GOT TO BE A TRUE HOME GAME. More affordable tickets. More “real” Bills fans. And, please, open the roof. It’s sealed shut? They manage to open it before the Jays’ season starts. If the financials are THAT onerous, they need to explain that better to the fans. Right now, I see no evidence anyone pressed the issue.

Big Picture Priority #4: Stadium Arcane-ium
Like the Chili Peppers reference?

My two final Big Picture Priorities are admittedly far larger in scope, and arguably naïve to raise because so many realities work against them being addressed. But it’s equally naïve to believe the Bills can ignore them forever.

The Ralph is getting old (I mean the stadium). Balloons knock out our power. Winds nearly knock down our goal posts. The place is becoming evocative of past successes rather than future competitiveness.

I’m not asking for a new stadium referendum; nor do I suggest the Wilsons are prepared to invest massive amounts in stadium upgrades. Yet from a fan’s perspective, we need to hear the team begin to articulate a stadium strategy that needs to be a part of any plan to keep the team in Buffalo long-term. In its own way, I believe that’s as vital as the Toronto strategy.

Big Picture Priority #5: Take our Ownership…Please
Finally, let’s address the elephant in the room: who is going to own this team – and I hope it’s a long time off – once the Wilson family is no longer in a position to own it?

I’m not asking Ralph to sell the team before his time. He’s earned the right to own it as long as he wants, and that apparently means the rest of his life. Technically, he’s under no obligation to even discuss the issue, ever (except when he’s negotiating with the state for funding.)

But, from a fan’s perspective, this is THE issue: in its own way, it affects each of the other four Priorities I’ve raised here. How does the team plan for the long-term when the long-term is fundamentally a mystery to the fan base? How does it address stadium needs without knowing if there will be a team to play in that stadium? How do the Bills attract top-notch football talent when that talent doesn’t even know if the team has a future? It’s already nearly impossible for the Bills to recruit a Bill Parcells or Bill Cowher, who love warm, affluent places like Miami, and traditional football strongholds like Dallas; doubts about the team’s future only exacerbate the challenge.

So, what am I asking for? A little more transparency. What does the Wilson family believe about the future of the team? Are they emphasizing a commitment to Buffalo as one of the criteria beyond money (recognizing that the league has to ultimately approve any deal)? Can they identify potential – underscore potential – ownership groups that might keep the team in Buffalo? We always hear rumors about Tom Golisano and Jim Kelly – can we simply get some confirmation that they, or someone, is interested in keeping this team in Buffalo?

I’m not asking for promises, which are impossible to offer. But from a fan’s perspective, the Wilsons need to share SOMETHING with us, not because of obligation but because from a business perspective they need to give the world – fans, managerial and coaching talent, free agents – something to hang onto. Because, I’ve got to tell you, ten years of mediocre football combined with a bad national economic climate and a shrinking local economy will eventually take its toll on even the most loyal of fans.

I HATE being a buzz kill here. My personal loyalty is undying, and I haven’t missed a game since 1990. I usually play booster with these columns. So, let me end on a high note: The Bills gave us a fantastic September and October. It only reinforces in my mind that this team has legitimate talent. Marshawn, Evans, Edwards…great special teams…some solid defensive talent…the Bills absolutely have better talent now than the Fish had last year. I’d STILL rather be the Bills than the Jets after Favre retires, whenever that is. I STILL think the Bills could have – should have – made the playoffs this year.

I also believe we had a terrific year at Calico Jack’s. Great attendance until the end. Great waitresses. Managers that paid attention to us. There probably aren’t many fan bases that have homes away from home like Bills fans do with Calico Jack’s and McFadden’s.

See you at the draft in April!

by Phil Mann

Give me something for the pain/Give me something for the blues /Give me something for the pain when/I feel Ive been danglin from a hang-man’s noose
-Bon Jovi

What does a Bills’ columnist write about when he knows his readers would rather read about pretty much anything else, even after what might sadly qualify as the team’s best win of the year?

How do you deal with the pain?

You indulge in another History of Buffalo Sports digression – a brief one, given the holiday week – saving the end-of-season wrap up for next week.

What to write about? After seeing Mickey Rourke’s amazing performance in the new movie, The Wrestler, I’d love to write about the rich history of Buffalo-area professional wrestling (Local boy Tony Parisi! Johnny Powers! The Shiek!), but I’m afraid interest would be limited to me and fellow NYCBBB old f-ck Ron Rampino. I’ve also considered delving into the history of Buffalo bowling, but that’s too obscure.

Which happily leaves me with a group of professional athletes who I’d argue have the most locally famous nickname in Buffalo sports history, although you might argue for OJ’s O-Line, The Electric Company; the Sabres’ “French Connection” triumvirate of Gilbert Perreault, Rick Martin and Rene Robert – three electrifying forwards who nearly led the team to Stanley Cup glory (the word “nearly” almost always pops up in conjunction with Buffalo sports).

But, first, a digression from the digression: Reader Paul, in Richmond, Virginia, of all places, was dismayed that I didn’t reference Moses Malone or Nate “Tiny” Archibald in my Buffalo Braves column. Of course, I’ve known Reader Paul since high school, so I no doubt have dismayed him before.

Briefly: Hall-of-Famer Moses Malone, in true Braves fashion, was acquired by the team for a first-round draft pick. In truer Braves fashion, he was traded after only two games, albeit for two future first round picks. But, Mo is a Braves legend compared to Tiny Archibald, another Hall-of-Famer. Tiny was traded to the Braves prior to the 1977 season, promptly tore his Achilles tendon and never played for the team. He was traded to the Celtics before the following season, and ultimately won a championship in Boston.

The story had to end that way, right?

Back to the real subject of this week’s column. How popular – and good – was The French Connection? Let me put it this way: I’m not especially a hockey fan, but I remember The French Connection vividly, as well as most of the other members of the mid-1970s Sabres. For some people, the names Perreault, Martin and Robert to this day elicit a similar response as the names Kelly, Bruce and Thurman do for so many Bills fans.

Perreault is a Hall-of-Famer, while Martin and Robert were both all stars. All three were French Canadian, hence the shared name with a hugely popular movie of the time. Perreault was the team’s first-ever draft pick; Martin was the first pick the following year, in 1971; Robert was picked up in a trade the year after that.

It’s hard to describe just how exciting these guys were. Perreault was a great skater, Martin was known for his wicked slap shot (more on that later), and Robert was arguably the most diversely skilled of the three, who usually did the checking and other dirty work. They played on the same line for most of the 1970s, set numerous team scoring records that still stand, and led the team on a glorious playoff run in 1975 that took them all the way to the finals, which they lost against the Flyers.

That series included the infamous Fog Game, during which the Aud’s air conditioning failed, creating inside conditions that matched the 90-degree weather outside – in turn creating a massive fog in the arena. That game ended in overtime when, on cue, the Connection teamed up to score the winning goal.

The Sabres of that era were so popular they inspired to truly horrible song that only a Sabres fan could love: Me and The Buffalo Sabres (“You know we’re going to win that cup/Me and the Buffalo Sabres, yeah, yeah, yeah!”) Imagine if Obama Girl did a Sabres tribute song and you’ll get the idea.

Alas, the line broke up for good in 1979, and didn’t reunite until each player had his jersey retired by the Sabres. But, so most the 1970s, the French Connection was the biggest thing in Buffalo sports not named OJ. Whatever happened to that guy, anyway?

Happy holidays, everyone!

Joining you from the comforts of my living room with a sweet redhead sitting on my lap (aka, my daughter). She’ll keep me on even keel. I have the Sirius Satellite Radio on, so I can listen to Announcers Murphy and Kelso do the game.

I decided to try my hand at “real time” commentary this week. Not a live blog, per se, because no one else is reading this as I type. I just came up with the idea about 30 seconds ago. I promise I won’t do things to look smart (like type, “I think we should do a naked bootleg” right after they really do a naked bootleg in the game.) It’s the honor system all the way.

Here we go.

12:58 p.m.: Team looks the best it has in weeks. Of course, the game hasn’t started yet.

1:03: Um, where’s McGee? Not a good sign. Back spasms?

1:06: Brett Favre probably hasn’t run 27 yards in his career. And now, he does it on one play. Might as well just give them a TD now and get it over with.

1:07: It’s over with.

1:10 Celino and Barnes, your injury attorneys. Hey, I’m injured; the Bills are killing me. Wonder if they’ll take my case?

1:15: A fake punt for the Bills! The epitome of desperation. But, it worked, barely.

1:16: I love Marshawn! What a freaking run. 35 yards MVP this year, ending Moorman’s long title run. Someone’s hurt, I hear. James Hardy. He’s being carted off.

1:19: A Celino and Barnes injury update. The point of advertising is, of course, to have your brand or product name heard. Do Celino and Barnes sit around eagerly awaiting someone to be hurt. “Hey, Celino, they’re about to say our names! Cool!”

1:20: The Bills just ran Marshawn on 3rd and 8 at the Jets’ 20. I might have to take up sewing so I can make a white flag to wave.

1:21: A field goal attempt, and it’s good, thank goodness. At least we answered the Jets’ opening drive, if not with a TD.

1:30: Screw this game. Different subject: I’m still really pissed about that Toronto game. How do we allow ourselves to get screwed out of a home game 90 minutes from home? OK, I get not having home field advantage if you’re in London. But Toronto isn’t any further than a lot of Jets fans drove to see today’s game. Ticket prices. That’s the problem.

1:36: End of the first quarter. Nice little drive JP is creating here. 3rd and 8 again. Hmmmm…maybe…nah, they’ll throw it this time, right? Just don’t do anything dumb.

1:36: Just saw a text from NYCBBB co-founder Matt Kabel: he’s working and can’t watch the game until tonight. What’s he doing? His wife is a massage therapist. Maybe he’s filling in?

1:39: Sack. Perhaps I need to define what I mean by “stupid.”

1:50: First and goal, after a great Poz pick. You know, they might have to actually throw the ball into the end zone at some point.

1:51: TD! JP scramble. I wish I could combine Edwards’ head with JP’s physical tools. 14-10. Keeping the faith. It appears JP actually didn’t get a TD, but that’ll be our secret. No challenge. I think his knee was down.

2:05: TD! Again! Wow, the Bills have…what’s it called? Oh yeah…the LEAD! It’s been a while. I’d forgotten what it was called.

2:12: You give Favre all day to throw and bad stuff happens. The Bills seem determined to let the Jets tie this game, or re-take the lead.

2:14: That is one of the worst plays I’ve ever seen. I won’t even discuss it. It involved a Jets RB running for a really long time.

HALFTIME: The Bills can win this game. If they minimize the unforced errors and mistakes in big moments, I believe they will win. That’s what it will come down to: errors, not being outplayed. Sent the kids out to play. I’m in full Beast Mode, which is not good for my neighbors.

2:36: Bills don’t go three and out to open the half, which is good to see. But, two bad throws in quick order, to Marshawn and Evans. And now JP bobbles a snap. Oy.

2:43: Fumble. Double Oy. Bills recover. Time to punt, anyway. Punt to the three! Outstanding.

2:48: This play-by-play stuff is getting old: think I’ll go for bigger-picture commentary unless….INTERCEPTION McGee! As I was saying, I’ll go for bigger-picture commentary unless there’s a reason not to. That was a good reason not to.

2:50: The last play aside, I feel that the Bills have been playing 10 against 11 for weeks, on both sides of the ball – the defense has played alright, but they got off to a really weak start today. But the second I saw Favre’s arm hit on that last play, I knew that ball was winding up short and had a chance to be picked.

2:55: A Long Field Goal. For once the right upright is our friend. Within one point, baby.

2:56: A complete side note, but I’m sitting here eating some chocolate, which makes me think Calico Jack’s should put some chocolate out every so often, instead of nacho chips. I’ll have to add that to my ever-growing list of ideas – like the one where I believe the NFL should change the color of its footballs so they’re not so close in tone to the skin color of like 80% of the players.

3:00: There’s Philip Seymour Hoffman, possibly my favorite actor. Just saw him in the movie Doubt last night. He was great, as always. But, Philip, what’s with the Jets hat? You’re from Fairport!

3:01: We have a little more than a quarter to go in the Karma Bowl: which team is more snake bitten? An added component: can we actually win a divisional game this year? I don’t like the way this Jets drive is progressing. But, Spencer Johnson just crushed Thomas Jones. Big third down stop! We really needed that.

3:03: Just saw Adam Sandler. The Jets can have him and his baby talk schtick, although I do like the Hanukah song. I still have an issue with Hoffman rooting for the Jets.

3:04: OK, commercial. Can you get from Philip Seymour Hoffman to Adam Sandler in six steps? Let’s see, off the top of my head: Hoffman was in “Punch-Drunk Love” with….Adam Sandler. Well, that was easy. Slightly more involved way: Hoffman was in “Magnolia” with Tom Cruise (love that movie); Cruise was in “A Few Good Men” with Jack Nicholson; Nicholson was in “Anger Management,” which I never saw, with Adam Sandler. Not bad.

3:09: Interception by JP. That was inevitable at some point. Reed’s fault, though, not JP’s. At least it wasn’t Robert Royal.

3:10: Defense must come up big here in the early fourth quarter. Third and short coming up.

3:10: I wonder how Kabel’s job is going today? Maybe he’s selling beer at the stadium.

3:11: Huge defensive save by the Bills in the end zone. Saved a TD. Wait…a flag? Come on…please. Please. Please. No foul! Phew! That was scary. That would have been a ridiculous call.

3:15: LEODIS MY MAN! 100 yards. Wait…holding? Jeez…you know, I’ve been holding off on talking about this, but these Bills announcers kind of blow. I miss Van Miller. At least he was enjoyable even when he messed up. They celebrated this TD well after the TV picture made it clear something was amiss. I have the TV/radio timing synched up, so that’s not the issue.

3:17: Whoa, not so sure about that holding penalty at all. I believe Leodis’ TD should have counted. I’ll take a 13-minute TD drive instead.

3:21: 3rd and 11 completion by JP. That’s the kind of moment we’ve been missing for the better part of six weeks, a few inspired minutes against KC aside. Is JP getting a little swagger?

3:28: 3rd down, Jets on their own 2. Big stop here should give us great field position. Incomplete. Perfect.

3:28: The Jets scored a quick 14, and then had a fluky TD before halftime. We’ve really put ourselves back in the game. Although we’re starting this drive from our own 36 – I really hoped for something closer to mid field.

3:31: I’m really starting to like Fine. He could be a good player.

3:32: I still think JP is due for a bomb to Evans. Let’s hope it’s soon.

3:35: ACTION JACKSON!!! A Fred Flintstone-type of TD run, carrying everyone with him. That was beautiful. I hate talking about trite things like “heart,” but this is the heart we’ve been missing. The sweet sound of booing Jets fans….

3:36: Still pissed about that holding call on the Leodis runback.

3:45: Keep the ball. It’s simple, but not easy. Just run out the clock.

3:46: I’ve seen a few bad things in my life. What just happened might be the worst thing I’ve ever seen. Everyone in the stadium knew it was about to happen other than JP.

3:47: OK. We have time and timeouts. The Bills can still win this game. The crowd actually sounds stunned. The Karma Bowl continues….

3:50: How old is that Fireman Head guy now, like 60? I give him credit; he’s loud.

3:51: My God. “Losman tried to squeeze one in,” says the announcer Murphy. I’m too disgusted to make one of several obvious lewd remarks. The inevitable interception occurs, proving once again why JP – a good guy by all accounts – will be someone’s back up next year. But not ours.

3:57: 41 seconds to go, but at least JP is trying to stay upbeat. Not the usual hangdog face. Intercep—no, he dropped it.

3:58: Now might be a good time for that bomb to Evans I mentioned earlier.

3:59: OK, about three yards to Evans. That’s a bomb these days. One play left before we’re 0-5 in the division. Yuck.

4:01: Thus ends the Karma Bowl. They had the game in the palm of their hands, says Murphy, and they let it slip away. Marshawn is slumped on the bench. Hey, he did his job. We must keep this guy for a long time.

So, now what? Now we fight for .500, right? This is a remarkable year, even for the Bills.

This blog would have worked out really great if the Bills had pulled out a victory. Instead…well, they just pulled it out. And let it sway in the Meadowlands breeze.

I still hope to see a lot of folks at the Broncos game. This game was enjoyable if nothing else. The Broncos game could be a real shoot out.

E-mail feedback and comments to Phil Mann at
pjmann at nyc.rr.com

Braves Old World

I’ve got nothing to add to what you’re already thinking. When probably the best player in your team’s history gets sentenced to up to three decades in prison – and that’s the BEST Buffalo professional football news of the week – it speaks volumes about the current situation. Congrats to the college team for getting a bowl berth…but I don’t even know if I knew Buffalo had a college team until this weekend (only a slight exaggeration).

OJ did get me thinking about the Bills and Buffalo sports teams of the past. I’m guessing there are people reading this who primarily know OJ as a felon who, like Pete Rose, in some way was once better known for his athletic prowess. The reality is that OJ, severe character deficiencies and bad manners aside, was not only one of the greatest running backs the NFL has ever seen, he was one of the greatest stars the league has ever seen. I can’t think of anyone in the current or recent NFL who is similar – maybe Shaq in the NBA.

Which conveniently brings me to the NBA. In the crowd at Calico Jack’s last week were two people – myself included – wearing Buffalo Braves gear. That fact, combined with a NYCBBB co-founder’s question of “Who are the Buffalo Braves?” are leading me to shift gears this week to a proud, too-brief period in Buffalo professional sports history – the Buffalo Braves of the NBA.

The Braves were sort of the Bills of the 1970s – often bad, periodically knocking on the door of true contention. The Bills, for their part, were busy being the Detroit Lions of the 1970s – they just plain stunk most of the time, other than when OJ was running for more than 2,000 yards.

I was a Braves nut as a small kid. In fact, I was far more a Braves fan than a Bills fan, heading to Memorial Auditorium as often as my father’s work schedule, fatigue and limited budget would allow. They won their debut game in 1970 against the Cavaliers…and it was generally downhill from there as they competed in the tough Atlantic Division against the Celtics, Knicks and 76ers. The team memorably passed on local Niagara University superstar Calvin Murphy in the first round of its first draft – Calvin, my favorite player given that I was a kid from Niagara Falls, wound up in the Hall of Fame. But, despite some lousy years, the Braves eventually made the playoffs for three consecutive seasons – and had the league’s third-best record in the 1974-75 season. Alas, those exciting seasons never led to long-lasting playoff success.

The team’s history gets dicey and rather complicated from there. Long, convoluted story short, the Braves’ owner desperately wanted to sell the team, and in fact made a deal to move them to Hollywood, Florida. When that deal fell through, the owner signed a new long-term lease with the Aud and soon after sold half of the team to a gentleman named John Y. Brown – husband of former Miss America and NFL studio hack Phyllis George. John Y. eventually secured full ownership. Ultimately, in a move of remarkable creativity and chutzpah, John Y. and the Celtics’ owner swapped team ownerships – with the Braves’ new owner promptly moving them to San Diego in 1978, and then soon after to LA, where they have since languished as the Clippers.

Despite their too-brief history, many Western New York natives including this one remember the Braves fondly and especially reminisce about the team’s stars and not-quite-stars. Following is a synopsis of 10 of my favorite Braves – by no means the team’s Best of the Best, but guys who were favorites of mine for a variety of reasons:

Bob McAdoo: He’s the guy who most often causes people to recall that Buffalo actually had an NBA franchise. The center and power forward was the team’s one legit star, winning the rookie of the year, a Most Valuable Player award and THREE consecutive scoring titles. He’s in the NBA Hall of Fame and is currently assistant-coaching the Miami Heat. I met the guy a couple of years ago and he’s still at least 6-9 nearing 60.

Randy Smith: To me, he was the Braves’ heart and soul. A Buff State grad, Randy was once the sport’s iron man, holding the record for most consecutive games played (906). He was a point guard and MVP of the 1978 all-star game.

Bob Kaufmann: Bob was a forward and the Braves’ first “star,” although I use that word liberally. He was good, though, and had a great 1970s porn-guy moustache. He was the third player taken in the 1968 draft, by the former Seattle Super Sonics (one day, some loser like me will write a “hey, remember the Sonics?” column). Bob made three all-star squads before falling out of favor in Buffalo. He briefly head-coached the Detroit Pistons after he retired.

Elmore Smith: I mainly remember him because he was a seven-footer at a time when it didn’t seem like everybody in the NBA was so big. I was amazed by the guy’s size when I saw him in person. He played only a couple of seasons with the Braves, but was a strong shot blocker and rebounder.

Garfield Heard: You’ve gotta love the name if nothing else. His main claim to fame came as a Phoenix Sun, sending a championship game against the Celtics into a third overtime. Many consider the game, eventually won by the Celtics, as the greatest NBA game ever. He head-coached for a bit (the Dallas Mavericks and Washington Wizards, where he was fired by new part-owner Michael Jordan).

Adiran Dantley: I choose to mention him for two reasons. One, he was a real star, and gives credibility to the Braves franchise even if he only played in Buffalo for a single season – winning Rookie of the Year and promptly being traded. Leave it to a Buffalo team. He went on to have a Hall of Fame career. The other reason I mention him is because he hated Isiah Thomas when they were teammates. I, too, hated Isiah Thomas. I seem to recall Dantley’s mother – mother! – calling out Isiah once. Great.

Ernie DiGregorio: “Ernie D,” another Braves Rookie of the Year, is better remembered as a hero of the Providence Fryers college team, and was considered one of the college game’s most exciting players. He never materialized into a superstar, but all the white Italian guys I grew up with loved him because he was also a white Italian guy. By the way, the Braves had a bunch of rookies of the year in their short history; three in just five years. I’m not sure any other NBA team has more in the league’s long history.

Tom McMillen: A decent ballplayer but I mention him mainly for his post-NBA career; he became a congressman, and then formed a homeland security company after 9/11. He was on the 1972 Olympic team that lost unfairly to the Russians.

Swen Nater: A big, doofy white guy with a funny name, which was really funny to me when I was a kid. Still kind of funny to me, actually. Looking at his record, he was a decent center, but I don’t recall thinking that at the time. He was a part of two championship UCLA teams.

Dr. Jack Ramsey: The Marv Levy of the Braves. I loved the guy; he and Marv, along with Sparky Anderson in baseball, are my favorite head coaches or managers ever. He was brilliant academically as well as from a sports perspective, and managed to lead the Braves to their only three playoff appearances in four seasons as a head coach. He coached the Portland Trail Blazers to a championship soon after, and to this day commentates for ESPN – looking as spry in his 80s as Marv does.

That’s my look back on the Braves. If nothing else, if you didn’t know who they were before, at least you’ll believe they actually existed. I apologize for any errors due to my faulty memory. One thing I definitely know for a fact is that I haven’t been an NBA fan since the Braves moved away.

E-mail feedback and comments to Phil Mann at
pjmann at nyc.rr.com

Our old friend, former NFL Head Coach Jim Mora, puts it better than I can:

This isn’t the video you might necessarily expect, by the way, but it’s still fitting.

Next week: Bills vs. Fish under the Sky(dome) in Toronto. Who knows…maybe we’re a dome team.

See you at Calico Jack’s (or McFadden’s).

E-mail feedback and comments to Phil Mann at
pjmann at nyc.rr.com

OK, I take back that comment from last week’s column when I wrote that being a Bills fan is like being an inmate dropping the soap in the shower – this week we staged a prison break.

In honor of the Bills’ nearly unprecedented 54-31 victory, I’m also trying something unprecedented: below, if I make it, are 54 reasons why this was a great victory. Some reasons might be a stretch, but cut me some slack. Fifty four is a big number:

1. They won!
2. 54 points is pretty good…duh
3. And they did it on the road
4. In KC, where we’re used to getting creamed
5. Against Tony Gonzalez, who didn’t want to be a Bill, apparently
6. In front of NYCBBBer Kevin Smith, who attended the game
7. With his fiancée, a KC native – how sweet is that?
8. 54 was the highest point total of the day
9. And the Bills’ second-highest ever
10. Which was 58, in 1966
11. Before most of you were even born
12. Before your parents even met
13. And it was against the Fish
14. And the 54 we scored today was more than the Pats’ measly 48
15. Also against the Fish
16. We scored 17 points off of turnovers
17. In the first half alone
18. We forced 5 turnovers overall
19. And had none of our own
20. Leodis McKelvin had a fantastic game
21. And made us feel a lot better about where we chose him in the draft
22. And then there’s Trent Edwards: what to say about Trent Edwards?
23. He threw great
24. He ran like Michael Vick. Well, sort of.
25. He scored two TDs
26. Which no Bills QB had done in a game since Jack Kemp
27. Trent’s slump is over
28. And so is the team’s
29. As a result, the Bills are still “in the hunt”
30. And the Fish, one of our main rivals, lost
31. The team actually went for it on a fourth down and scored
32. I loved it when they scored to end the first half, and then again to start off the second half – 14 points without the Chiefs touching the ball
33. Marshawn actually got to run – full beast mode
34. Forget about 54 points: did I mentioned they won by 23 – and 7 of the Chiefs’ points were garbage, at the end?
35. The Bills emptied out that stadium pretty early – it looked empty on TV
36. We’ve never heard the Shout song so many times in one game
37. And never got tired of it
38. I sat with Bruce – proprietor of Penn Station-based Tracks Raw Bar & Grill, and the Bills actually won. That never happens
39. We actually got to relax during a game for a change
40. Josh Reed scored a TD – his first of the year
41. Lee Evans got into the act, with a 51-yard reception
42. And 110 overall reception yards
43. We didn’t have to do the dreaded Walk of Shame, leaving the bar in our Bills gear after a humiliating loss
44. No major injuries, although I’m not sure about Butler
45. I actually had a pretty good quesadilla at the restaurant today
46. More important, we can actually go the BuffaloBills.com, Two Bills Drive and read the morning sports sections on Monday without wincing
47. We can even look forward to ESPN’s highlights for a change
48. Trent Edwards – AFC Offensive Player of the Week?
49. A perfect day for Lindell, once again (forget last week)
50. We hardly saw Moorman, as much as I love the guy
51. 173 rushing yards!
52. Did I mention this was the most points anyone ever scored against the Chiefs?
53. Thank goodness we did this in a week without Whitner and Greer
54. And thank goodness we can enjoy Thanksgiving without Bills-related gloom and doom.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! I’ll be back and at CJ’s next week, should anyone be in town to join me.

E-mail feedback and comments to Phil Mann at
pjmann at nyc.rr.com

I often hear stories about long-time prisoners – guys who’ve been in the joint for 20, 25 even 40 years – who are completely distressed when they’re eventually released. Yes, prison was bad, even horrible. De-humanizing. But, it provided them with structure. A set of rules to live by. A degree of security. For better or worse, it became their home. What am I supposed to do, these newly rehabilitated souls ask, to acclimate to an unfamiliar, uncaring world?

Well, for one thing, you can consider becoming a Bills fan – the weekly sports-viewing equivalent of dropping your soap in the shower.

More seriously, other Bills fans I know actually believe they’re already imprisoned, and vow to escape a la “Prison Break.” “This isn’t for me anymore,” they say. “I ain’t returning to Shawshank.”

Bull.

Like pizza and sex, being a Bills fan is always great, even when it’s bad.

If you need proof, just consider this past Monday night at McFadden’s. We still packed the bar for a nationally televised night game, and the NYCBBB’s reputation is such that an NFL Network show, Starting 11, travelled two hours to film our group for three quarters. At one point, one of the crew asked me, as he strained to be heard, “Is it always like this here?!” I replied, without an ounce of exaggeration, “No. This is quiet.”

I hadn’t been to McFadden’s for a couple of years, opting for the quieter-but-still-raucous comfort of Calico Jack’s. I’d almost forgotten how freaking fun McFadden’s is, and this was on a relatively quiet night. It was a blast.

If being a Bills fan is like being a prisoner, so be it. I’ve signed up for a life sentence.

E-mail feedback and comments to Phil Mann at
pjmann at nyc.rr.com