A View from Calico Jack’s – 10/10/2005

Some times are approximate:

40 minutes prior to game time
Fellow NYCBBB staff members/hangers-on – Anna and Kevin – blow past me and my family without noticing us. And we were the only freaking people in sight! But, I called out and forced them to come over, and to say nice things about my kids, whether they meant them or not.

39 minutes prior to game time
Anna, our photographer, says she can’t really get into taking photos until she gets a bit drunk, because she’s so shy. This, of course, is the same woman who flashed her lower-back Bills tattoo to Marv Levy at the mere suggestion that she do so. I know what Marv will be atoning for this Yom Kippur….

35 minutes prior to game time
Matt Kabel’s wife, Nicole, mentions she enjoys my column. She must be the ONLY person who has ever read it. I’ll have to find a way to feature her prominently this week.

20 minutes prior to game time
Nicole tells us that she’s studying to be a massage therapist. I’m thinking, “OK, I get massages sometimes because of my bad neck and back. I’d like to support her new career, but would it be inappropriate for me to get a massage from Kabel’s wife? How mad would he be? It IS her career, so it’s justifiable. Then again, I wouldn’t want my wife massaging Kabel. Of course, she’s a technology consultant, so that would make no sense.”

Two minutes prior to game time
Hmm…these wings aren’t bad. A little black, though.

One minute prior to game time
God, I hate the Fish

First quarter, 11:23 remaining
This game rocks: Kelly Holcomb drives the Bills down the field. 7-0!

First quarter, 4:15 remaining
How the HELL didn’t they get a TD when it was first and a foot? Still, it’s 10-0. I’ll take it.

Second quarter, 8:08 remaining
Finally, Eric! My father in law, a Fish fan, had referenced this week as an “easy win” for his team. Well, it’s 17-0 now, old man. Should be 21-0, but it won’t matter in the end.

Half Time
Where’d that Fan of the Week from a couple of weeks ago go?

Third quarter, 5:50 remaining
Well, there goes the shutout. But, we’re in decent shape. This game still rocks.

Fourth quarter, 8:18 remaining
A 30-yard f-ing TD pass! What the HELL is going on here? I’m not feeling so good.

Fourth quarter, about 7 minutes remaining
We were doing a lot better when I was eating wings. I’ll eat some more, but I’m really not hungry anymore.

Fourth quarter, 4:35 remaining
Yes! A field goal. At least that forces the Fish to get a touchdown. The Fish fan who Kabel mysteriously allowed to sit at his table mocked us: “It’s only a field goal.” Apparently, he’d rather need a TD to win rather than a FG.

Fourth quarter, few minutes remaining
I think I’m going to be sick. And the excess wings are only a part of it.

Fourth quarter, two minutes remaining
What the HELL goes on in the Bills’ locker room at half-time? Are they making adjustments or playing canasta?

Fourth quarter, inside two minutes remaining
Seriously, I think I’m going to vomit on Nicole at the next table, which would REALLY make Kabel angry. I mean, he might find it amusing at some level, but still…

Fourth quarter, inside one minute remaining
I am definitely going to spew. And I definitely can’t imagine what my father in law would say if we lose this game.

Fourth quarter, about 30 seconds remaining
I wonder if I should write this week’s column in the voice of a Florida “yenta”? Just a thought…. And, no, I don’t expect most people to understand why I just typed that. But no one other than Nicole is reading this, anyway.

Fourth quarter, one second remaining
Oh my f-ing God. Please, no Jacksonville-type ending, like we had week one last year.

Game over
This game rocks! But I still think I’m going to vomit.